Forgiven Sinner

This is a piece written by a good friend..Euge. You didn’t only take the words out of my mouth you heard it from my heart…

You ask why I follow this Jesus?

Why I love Him the way I do?

When the world’s turned away from His

teachings

And the people who serve Him are few.

It’s not the rewards I’m after

Or gifts that I hope to receive

It’s the Presence that calls for commitment

It’s the Spirit I trust and believe.

The Lord doesn’t shelter His faithful

Or spare them all suffering and pain,

Like everyone else I have burdens,

And walk through my share of rain.

Yet He gives me a plan and a purpose,

And that joy only Christians have known,

I never know what comes tomorrow,

But I do know I’m never alone.

It’s the love always there when you need it;

It’s the words that redeem and inspire,

It’s the longing to ever be with Him

That burns in my heart like a fire.

So you ask why I love my Lord Jesus?

Well, friend, that’s so easy to see,

But the one thing that fills me

with wonder is

Why Jesus loves someone like me.

I’ve been going thru my friend’s blogs and wondering how they can even fit it in their schedules to write…let alone paragraphs of quirks and wit..haay.  I am having one of those moments.  I want to write but don’t know where to begin, so I find myself typing then hitting the backspace key (a lot!!).  GOODNESS!! I should just give up in exasperation.  My phone isn’t ringing and no chat window consoles are popping out to disturb me.. Uh huh you have no reason NOT to write - how mocking you are! Would I be such a geek if I began telling you what I’m doing right now? Would I get fired if they found out that as I type this I have one foot on the CPU and the other on top of my table? Hehe thank gosh no hidden cameras in my office!   I am all alone - So this is what being a Project Manager is like…hmm nobody cares what you do as long as you keep the accounts rolling in….WHAT accounts? My brokers are busy living the good life and right now I couldn’t care less if I closed an account tsk tsk tsk….My mind is already set on weekend mode - and I’m conditioning my mind on the upcoming week, where I can only imagine will be one big sleep depriving challenge! ARGH!

the search is over…is this song just trying to drive me crazy. Why of all places do I have to go where they play love songs..it’s really enough to drive me insane…where to start you ask? "the search is over..love is right here where it began".  now it’s one of my favorite songs …I know this love is real…in time it will reveal, I swear this is just going to be one of days where I will go home blubbering like a fool. What’s new. ENOUGH! I want to be in one piece and this emotional and lovey dovey stuff is not going to help me… I’ll write again when I’m slightly more human. I hate it! now it’s ..let’s not bring the past back anymore I’m going, I’m going I’m gone!!

It’s quite funny really…It all began with the classic line of "Excuse me miss pero DI ka ba?" now from a normal perspective this would be insulting right? Not until I saw who it came from. My heart skipped a beat - literally! I saw the face of an old love of mine - my first love…the one I went gaga over 10 years ago! Well ofcourse it wasn’t HIM but it looked like him, same built, same adorable smile and eyes which I loved staring into  and well almost the same name (man what is it with me and the men in my life and their names?!) It’s not as if I’m getting ready to jump into a relationship with the next guy  - but I missed those "KILIG" moments, waking up every morning with a text and going to sleep with their voice in your head.  I will never regret falling in love - I love the feeling of elation and the natural high when I’m in love - but when it’s over…it’s such a long way down. As my sister would always say "before you cried you laughed too" in a way it’s the best explanation.

25 days and counting..I didn’t think it was possible for a person to cry so much. I’d almost believed that I would be able to drink 20 gallons of water just to replace the fluid lost from those tears. All my friends and family stood by me, I know that I would not be able to survive if it had not been for them. For my beautiful children who I will always be thankful for. For my friends that came out of nowhere to console me after so many years of being unseen. I felt loved. I don’t need the love of someone who vowed to love me…because he was never able to fill his promise. But these people who have no obligation to love and be there for me gave more than I could ever expect. I’m happy now. I feel at peace. I know now that I have my
priorities sorted out. For three years I placed myself last. Now I won’t be so stupid. For me to be able to give love to others I have to love myself. So cliched I know, but so true.

What a way to start the week….late as usual. The kids either stayed up too late or stayed up all night. It’s tough having a baby but having three…..indescribable.

Finally I’m back on the "normal" shift a 9am - 6pm slot…good thing, YES because I don’t have to wake up so damn early…Bad thing…… NO cos it means my husband and I won’t see each other until the weekend.  The sad facts of life, really.  Bottom line is….why work so hard when we see so little come off it?

Hmm….simplicity, the best thing in life? I think it’s on its way. The least.